Drops

It's raining. Tip, tip, tip. I like the sound of rain when the drops hit the roof of our house. At the same time it's both calming and resteless. The idea of going out and dancing in the rain is tempting and romantic but in reality it would just feel cold and bad. I would get sick, again.

Maybe I enjoy listening to raining because I can relate to it. It's raining in my soul too. Tip, tip, tip, drops fall and when they splash to the bottom the sound echoes in the empty space. I imagine it a bit metallic sound, as if drops slowly after each other fall in an empty zinc bucket. 

I don't know why I'm this melancholic. Maybe just because I'm a Finn. We Finns are melancholic and like sad music. Or maybe some screw is a bit loose in my head. Or maybe I'm just too tired and bored, having cabin fever. If it's about that last one, it will be fixed tomorrow and the day after that because it will be MAY DAY!

I just need an umbrella. A colourful one.

http://lifepulp.com/pulps/ID/41840

Can you fall in love with the same person again and again?

I almost hate him sometimes when we don't talk for a long time. I imagine that he always forgets about me and purposely ignores me because he's not interested. I make myself think that he's just an asshole, I don't need him. I have lots of good friends who are there for me, why would I feel bad because of one idiot.

But every time I reseive a message from him my heart starts running. He always can make me smile and forget all the bad thoughts I ever had about him. I said to myself I don't really love him anymore but when I read his words I can't help falling in love again. How can anyone not love him and everything about him?

Such a fool I am.

A little while ago I watched this movie called Remember Sunday and I simply loved it. Though I had seen a movie bit like the same before but it was still lovely. It told a story about a man who has problems with his memory, when he sleeps he forgets what had happened that day. He has created a system so that he can survive from day to day and even work, he seems to live an almost normal life. Then he meets this girl called Molly and falls in love. But, as he can't remember the previous day, every morning he looks at a picture of her and he has made some notes he reads to know who she is. And every day he starts to love her again.

I wish life was like in movies. Impossible things weren't impossible, only the sky would be our limit. Love is strong and forever, even sex is so magically amazing. Things seem to happen like planned. That's exactly the difference to real life: Life happens when you're making plans.

Somebody that I used to know

"I don't say forever because forever is a lie."

True. But your "as long as possible" seems like a lie too because it wasn't long. You didn't even try.

My favourite question is "why?". But often the answer either hurts or leads to more questions, or both. Who could answer my silly and childlike questions about life and this world that I leave unsaid? I'm getting crazy because of my silent wondering and overthinking. It simply makes my brain some pink jelly that runs out from my ears. Soon I will notice that I'm laying on the floor, paralysed, unable to move or say a word. Just a shadow of what I used to be, like an ugly sea cucumber.

Can you just please get out of my head, okay? You don't deserve as much attention from me as you're getting. And what do I get from you? Umm, nothing but empty promises and the existence of your absence? I miss the old you who would say I'm different to others and there's something special about me. I don't know if you even remember that we used to talk all nights and I totally fucked my school and some friendships because of you. But that doesn't even matter.

I really miss you, though I shouldn't and it's not worth it.
The emptiness your absence is leaving has started to feel almost normal.

Done

Finally. The work of two and a half years has ended and will be rewarded soon. I feel so good and actually I'm secretly kind of proud of myseld, though I know I could have done even better. But it doesn't matter, I finished high school with great grades anyway.

That moment when I left the school last Monday and the door closed behind me and I knew I'd never need to open it again, was awesome. Freedom tastes so damn good! Now I can do whatever I want - almost. I said goodbye to alarm clock and planned my own schedule which is completely empty.

Applying for unis. Looking for a summer job. Studying for entrance exams. Blaah. I will do that all, but later. Now I just wanna relaaaaaaax and take a deep breath, have some fun with my friends and enjoy the lovely spring.

One day of war

There was nothing strange in that morning when we went to school like normally. Then weird things started to happen. 

We were told that we are at war with our neighour country. I don't know why and who had started the fight. Our teachers wanted us seniors to see what war in real is like and they told us to go to the battle fields for that one day. They thought we would learn something important about life.

We students were shared in three groups and we went to different fields to observe the situation. We weren't supposed to fight but some of us were given weapons, "just in case" they said. I was wondering since when did this belong to the curriculum.

With the other groups everything was fine and went just like planned. With us things didn't work like clockwork... I don't know what happened but suddenly our enemy attacked us though we didn't do anything. It was awful, the sounds of the weapons and flying grenades was horribly loud and terrifying. I felt dust flying to my face and my back when we went to lay on the ground to shelter and hide. A guy next to me had a gun and he started shooting the attackers but they were way too far. They kept throwing grenades and dropping bombs and some of us got hurt. All of us were shocked and didn't know what was happening. When some of us got their concious back after the shock they started leading us and told everybody to run back to school. We did like they said, ran and ran to save our lives.

I had never been that afraid in my life. Earlier I had thought that I wouldn't mind dying but at that moment I wasn't ready to die and I only wanted to escape from that place. A guy saw how terrified I was and he took my hand. "I'll take care of you", he said. I thought he was really brave, he must have been very afraid himself too but still he was there to encourage me to keep running. He gave me hope that we'll survive.

A grenade hit right in front of us and created a huge hole on the ground. He stumbled and fell in the hole. I screamed, I thought he had hurt himseld badly but he stood up almost immediately. Me and a couple of others helped him up and continued running while we heard the sounds of war and destruction behind us.

When we reached the school the others were there already, eveybody in one piece. They or the teachers didn't even notice something was wrong. They hadn't heard the sounds and screams from the field. They didn't even wonder why we were all over in dust and dirt and some in blood. They just told us to go to classrooms with our groups so that we could continue the school day and lessons as if it was just a regular Monday. 
 
I walked down the stairs to the class. I sat down on the first seat because I was afraid I would faint. At that time I was alone, shaking, feeling cold. I would have cried but I wasn't able to. I was too shocked and I had difficulties to breathe. One boy who had been fighting fell down the stairs right in front me eyes. I was so sceared and screaming because I thought he died that I couldn't do anything though I should have helped. Luckily he stood up like nothing had ever happened. He broke his arm and it looked horrible. I still couldn't see any kind of impressions on his face that would tell he's in pain. He was so strong.

It was only then when I was noticed and a panicking teacher came to me and asked if I was okay. I shaked my head and said in a trembling voice that I totally wasn't okay, thanks to school that wants to slaughter us like animals. Just then the teacher realised what had happend to our group and she told us to stand up and go out of the room. Another guy came to me and helped me to walk. He was holding me in his armpit, his hand on my shoulder. He was acting like a hero, saying that he'd take another girl to the other side if it was needed and he would only want to take care of us. It's the man's responsibility to protect the children and women. It was a little annoying but I was too tired to mind, I just wanted to get out.

The time we were walking felt like it lasted an eternity. The corridor seemed to continue infinitely like it wanted to keep us inside and not let us escape from its grasp.Other teachers and younger students were in the corridors looking at us with shocked faces. They had been inside all the time and they had no idea what we had just experienced.

 I got out and went straight home.

I love you too but...

Why does everything need to be so complicated? Even the simplest things on Earth seem to be really difficult sometimes - eating and sleeping.

You must be bored of reading my things because AGAIN I'm gonna talk about love. But what can I do if that's the thing I think about the most these days. I don't blame you if you stop reading this now. But if you continue - thank you.

If people are different, is it a real reason why they can't be together? People change anyway and if they're "like the same" when they start dating, at the end they will be different. Or it could be opposite, too. If people are different at the beginning they can slowly become like the same. There are arranged marriages where the husband and wife barely know each other but still they can live happily together and have a happy family. People don't need to be like the same in order to things to work.

Of course, if people think differently and appreciate different things, they might have more fights and finding a compromise can be hard sometimes. But I believe that the most important thing in a relationship is finding the path that they both can walk. Fighting and disagreeing about things is not necessarily bad but finding a some kind of solution is needed to keep things from falling apart.

Potatoe and tomatoe aren't like the same either but ketchup fits perfectly with French fries.