Drops

It's raining. Tip, tip, tip. I like the sound of rain when the drops hit the roof of our house. At the same time it's both calming and resteless. The idea of going out and dancing in the rain is tempting and romantic but in reality it would just feel cold and bad. I would get sick, again.

Maybe I enjoy listening to raining because I can relate to it. It's raining in my soul too. Tip, tip, tip, drops fall and when they splash to the bottom the sound echoes in the empty space. I imagine it a bit metallic sound, as if drops slowly after each other fall in an empty zinc bucket. 

I don't know why I'm this melancholic. Maybe just because I'm a Finn. We Finns are melancholic and like sad music. Or maybe some screw is a bit loose in my head. Or maybe I'm just too tired and bored, having cabin fever. If it's about that last one, it will be fixed tomorrow and the day after that because it will be MAY DAY!

I just need an umbrella. A colourful one.

http://lifepulp.com/pulps/ID/41840

Can you fall in love with the same person again and again?

I almost hate him sometimes when we don't talk for a long time. I imagine that he always forgets about me and purposely ignores me because he's not interested. I make myself think that he's just an asshole, I don't need him. I have lots of good friends who are there for me, why would I feel bad because of one idiot.

But every time I reseive a message from him my heart starts running. He always can make me smile and forget all the bad thoughts I ever had about him. I said to myself I don't really love him anymore but when I read his words I can't help falling in love again. How can anyone not love him and everything about him?

Such a fool I am.

A little while ago I watched this movie called Remember Sunday and I simply loved it. Though I had seen a movie bit like the same before but it was still lovely. It told a story about a man who has problems with his memory, when he sleeps he forgets what had happened that day. He has created a system so that he can survive from day to day and even work, he seems to live an almost normal life. Then he meets this girl called Molly and falls in love. But, as he can't remember the previous day, every morning he looks at a picture of her and he has made some notes he reads to know who she is. And every day he starts to love her again.

I wish life was like in movies. Impossible things weren't impossible, only the sky would be our limit. Love is strong and forever, even sex is so magically amazing. Things seem to happen like planned. That's exactly the difference to real life: Life happens when you're making plans.

Somebody that I used to know

"I don't say forever because forever is a lie."

True. But your "as long as possible" seems like a lie too because it wasn't long. You didn't even try.

My favourite question is "why?". But often the answer either hurts or leads to more questions, or both. Who could answer my silly and childlike questions about life and this world that I leave unsaid? I'm getting crazy because of my silent wondering and overthinking. It simply makes my brain some pink jelly that runs out from my ears. Soon I will notice that I'm laying on the floor, paralysed, unable to move or say a word. Just a shadow of what I used to be, like an ugly sea cucumber.

Can you just please get out of my head, okay? You don't deserve as much attention from me as you're getting. And what do I get from you? Umm, nothing but empty promises and the existence of your absence? I miss the old you who would say I'm different to others and there's something special about me. I don't know if you even remember that we used to talk all nights and I totally fucked my school and some friendships because of you. But that doesn't even matter.

I really miss you, though I shouldn't and it's not worth it.
The emptiness your absence is leaving has started to feel almost normal.