Love is a suicide

You can run, you can hide
But sooner or later
It's gonna cut like a knife
Sooner or later
Nowhere to go
I'm already inside
You know
No one'll love ya like I love ya

I wish I could forget how to love. Or just stop loving the wrong person. It kills me from inside when I know that I can't and I shouldn't and I'm not all

owed to love him and it's just absolutely impossible to love him. But my heart is stupid, it doesn't listen to what the mind says. Even worse is that I can't tell the guy I like him because he's a good friend of mine and I know he doesn't feel the same way as I do. If I told him, it would be just awkward and I really don't want to take the risk of losing him because of that, I simply couldn't stand it. 

Stupid stupid stupid heart. 

Furthermore, many of my friends are getting in relationships, some are even getting married and planning to have babies. And I'm just alone, because I can't get the one want. It also feels bad that I have been sorta ignoring other guys who have been interested in me and I'm afraid I've hurt their feelings. I really wouldn't want to do that, but I can't be together with someone if I love somebody else, can I? 

Frustrating. I just want to forget that stupid love and continue like no feelings ever existed. On the other hand, I do wish he would notice me and we could be something, but if I'm realistic it will never happen. At least it wouldn't work a long time, maybe a month or two, or even a year but what after that?

I used to have about a thousand of his pics on my phone but I deleted them all. I had to, otherwise I would have been staring at them all the time and it wouldn't really helped in this situation. There are just too many things around me that remind me of him, he's always on my mind. He's there even when I sleep, I see dreams of him. The way he talks to me, the way he makes me feel important and special, the way he calls me with cute names, the way he cares about me.. All the messages from him in the middle of the night promising he'll always be there for me. Why does he need to do that, it just makes me love him more. He just can't see.

When did I become this silly? I don't know what to do with myself anymore because I'm just growing really tired of this. All I'm doing is hurting myself. 

Stupid stupid stupid heart.