The sound of love

These nights have been passing so slow, so hard...
When I turn off the lamp and close my eyes, all I can spend my time with for the rest of the long night is my clock that hangs up on the wall and the only thing she can say is "tick-tock".
Then it's like we talk to each other, for every "tick" she says, my heart makes a beat... we keep talking like that, for every four or five "ticks" she says, my heart answers only once... this is how our conversation finishes.
This is how our hearts share with each other everything we've got...
At some nights I get mad. "Why? Why do you keep doing that? Why don't you share more with me? My whole heart is yours now tell him all you want..."
Sometimes I find the best way to keep going is not to care. Don't care what she's saying, don't care what she's shearing. She's "tick-tocking" but you're "beating", it's not even the same. It's not even what you wanna hear!
I can't tell her more of my heart, she can't tell me more of hers, because this is all we are supposed to know about each other, this is all we are supposed to say...
But after a while I end up knowing that she is there "thick-thocking" for me, and she also knows my heartbeats are for her... But I can never touch her heart and she can never touch mine. All we can do is keep "tick-tocking" and "beating" for each other every night, again and again.

Written by my friend Pęymàn Póurnazari :) 

The three words

3 words,
8 letters.
3 syllables,
5 vowels,
3 consonants,
2 nouns,
one emotion,
many meanings,
a big lie,
a rare truth: I LOVE YOU ?

The most famous words of them all. They connect 'me' and 'you' in a beautiful way. The struggle is just saying those words and actually meaning them by your whole sincere heart.  Everyone wants to believe in love but after you get disappointed you start hating it.

I don't want to love. I wish I could decide about the that.  My heart is just too stupid.

"And I'm thinking 'bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways
Maybe just the touch of a hand
Well, me—I fall in love with you every single day"

But heyyy happy holidays to everyone who can enjoy them! Christmas is coming and there's love and caring in th air. People are happy and excited, or then extremely stressed out because of all this Christmas stuff.. But Christmas isbbeautiful time, you were Christian or not, so I wish very merry Christmas to everyone with lots of love!! :) ♥

Alone in the middle of a crowd

Do you ever feel like you're all alone even though there are hundreds of people around you? They don't know you, they don't even see you, you're like air to them. 

There are people, but it feels like no one understands you. You have no one to talk to, no one to keep you from falling to pieces. Just you and the cold world. When you most need a shoulder you only have your pillow to cry on.

Everyone is going away from me. Or many people are. And after a few months I'll be done with school and I won't see my school mates every day like I used to. I'll be even lonelier. But it's weird because in real I'm not alone, I just somehow feel like that. That I'm awkward and bad in many ways, not good enough to be around people because I would probably just pollute them by the poison in me, by the demons in my soul. Maybe it's my subconscious decision to be alone. But I still miss someone.

http://lifenotes.lifelettercafe.com/2014/02/alone-crowd-leaders-curse-blessing/

Love is a suicide

You can run, you can hide
But sooner or later
It's gonna cut like a knife
Sooner or later
Nowhere to go
I'm already inside
You know
No one'll love ya like I love ya

I wish I could forget how to love. Or just stop loving the wrong person. It kills me from inside when I know that I can't and I shouldn't and I'm not all

owed to love him and it's just absolutely impossible to love him. But my heart is stupid, it doesn't listen to what the mind says. Even worse is that I can't tell the guy I like him because he's a good friend of mine and I know he doesn't feel the same way as I do. If I told him, it would be just awkward and I really don't want to take the risk of losing him because of that, I simply couldn't stand it. 

Stupid stupid stupid heart. 

Furthermore, many of my friends are getting in relationships, some are even getting married and planning to have babies. And I'm just alone, because I can't get the one want. It also feels bad that I have been sorta ignoring other guys who have been interested in me and I'm afraid I've hurt their feelings. I really wouldn't want to do that, but I can't be together with someone if I love somebody else, can I? 

Frustrating. I just want to forget that stupid love and continue like no feelings ever existed. On the other hand, I do wish he would notice me and we could be something, but if I'm realistic it will never happen. At least it wouldn't work a long time, maybe a month or two, or even a year but what after that?

I used to have about a thousand of his pics on my phone but I deleted them all. I had to, otherwise I would have been staring at them all the time and it wouldn't really helped in this situation. There are just too many things around me that remind me of him, he's always on my mind. He's there even when I sleep, I see dreams of him. The way he talks to me, the way he makes me feel important and special, the way he calls me with cute names, the way he cares about me.. All the messages from him in the middle of the night promising he'll always be there for me. Why does he need to do that, it just makes me love him more. He just can't see.

When did I become this silly? I don't know what to do with myself anymore because I'm just growing really tired of this. All I'm doing is hurting myself. 

Stupid stupid stupid heart.

Homophobia is a serious disease

I just don't understand why some people are afraid of homosexuality and I can't stand people who don't accept people as who they are. We are different and that's exactly what makes us special. Imagine the world as a place where everyone is like the same, thinks like the same and likes the same things. It would be pretty boring, right?

Some arguments against gays are just ridiculous, there's really no sense if you think about it. Some people claim it's not normal to be interested in the same sex but that's not true. Even some animals are known to act like that and human has been like that since ancient times. If something is not common, it doesn't necessarily mean it's unnormal. Besides, who defines normality? Then there are these people who say they want to keep the traditional ways and habits in their country. Why don't these people with these excuses blame immigrants instead, for example? I think they're a greater threat for the culture than homos as the immigrants always bring a part of their own culture with them, like language and religion for instance, which then gets mixed with the country's original culture. And with this I don't mean to be racist, for me foreigners are completely fine and I'm actually really interested in foreign people and their cultures. And then come the arguments I usually only laugh at. Some say if one is gay he/she will affect others and they'll be gay too. And then there will be no babies and humans will eventually die out. If someone is gay it's not a danger for the whole population, right? Furthermore, there already are too many people on earth and many orhapns no one is taking care of. So, gays could solve one more problem. And then, you all dear Christian fellows who don't accept gays: if you truly disapprove gays for religious reasons, I would you suggest you to consider following the Golden Rule. "So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets." (Matthew 7:12) Well that's not only in Christianity, you can find the same rule in probably every religion in some form. In Islam it is "No one of you is a believer until he desires for his brother what he desires for himself", in Buddhism "Hurt not others with that which pains yourself", in Hinduism "This is the sum of duty: do naught to others which if done to thee would cause pain" and so on. What if you were gay and you were treated the way we treat them now? Yea, wouldn't be a life of your dreams.

                                 


It's not an illness to be gay, it is an illness to hate gays for no good reason. Don't judge people you don't actually even know. You may not have any idea what kind of life they're living and after all every person is a different individual. Don't point with your finger if you don't want to be pointed at. One more thing that makes me crazy is the injustice of the world and that we pay more attention on homosexuals and punishing them than doing something to murderers and rapists. Somehow I consider killing someone a much worse crime than being yourself. Don't you?

This is the sum of duty: do naught to others that which if done to thee would cause pain.    - See more at: http://toledofavs.com/2014/01/26/golden-rule-law/#sthash.uEQrsflZ.dpufTHi

Hurt not others with that which pains yourself.

No one of you is a believ

No one of you is a believer until he desires for his brother what he desires for himself. - See more at: http://toledofavs.com/2014/01/26/golden-rule-law/#sthash.uEQrsflZ.dpuf

No one of you is a believer until he desires for his brother what he desires for himself. - See more at: http://toledofavs.com/2014/01/26/golden-rule-law/#sthash.uEQrsflZ.dpuf

No one of you is a believer until he desires for his brother what he desires for himself. - See more at: http://toledofavs.com/2014/01/26/golden-rule-law/#sthash.uEQrsflZ.dpuf

No one of you is a believer until he desires for his brother what he desires for himself. - See more at: http://toledofavs.com/2014/01/26/golden-rule-law/#sthash.uEQrsflZ.dpuf

No one of you is a believer until he desires for his brother what he desires for himself. - See more at: http://toledofavs.com/2014/01/26/golden-rule-law/#sthash.uEQrsflZ.dpuf

Money can't buy happiness

You can't go to a store like "One jar of happiness, please". But instead you can buy a chocolate bar and share it with your friend and make the both of you happy.

Happiness isn't expensive clothes and cars, alcohol or any illegal chemicals. Happiness is doing something good and making someone else happy, and yourself at the same time.

You don't need money to be happy but you can spend it on something that creates happiness. The millionaires aren't any happier than the normal workers with lower salaries. The rich don't even know what to do with their money and they're just hysterically using it to get rid of it. If I had a lot money, more than I'd need myself for studies and for making a few dreams come true, I wouldn't keep the rest of the money myself. Or at least now I think so. It's just morally so wrong to have too much of something while others are suffering. I would share the rest of the money with my family and friends and if there would still some extra left, I'd donate it to some good organization. Now I just need to hope that I'll win in lottery...

I don't really understand the people who have to shop all the time spending their money always on something new, specially if they don't necessarily need it. Like most girls love shopping new clothes and shoes and everything but I don't really see the point of it. Wasting money on something needless and filling the earth with new stuffs and rubbish. Besides it's wasting natural resources. At least I already have closets full of clothes and I feel guilty because I don't even use all of them. Luckily I don't have a desire to always get something new and gorgeous. Of course sometimes it's great to do some purchases if you find something lovely and can't resist the enticement.

At least to make me happy you don't need to buy anything: just say something nice. For example a couple of days ago at school one of my not so good friends just suddenly said "Sofia, I like your jacket" with a smile and that was enough to make my day. Besides I don't even like that jacket myself at all.. I want to start doing like her, saving others' days by giving a smile and saying at least one good word. For free.

The Magical 18??

So, I've officially been an adult for a couple of days now but where is the magical feeling of freedom and everything super awesome? I'm still waiting for that.. Like yea, it's great to be able to decide about my own stuff (in principle but in effect it's still my parents who say the last word as long as I live at home) and I can do things legally and travel and go to concerts and get a driving license and a proper job and everything cool but otherwise 18 is just like all the other ages. 

Most people love their birthdays I guess, you can be the king or the queen for one day and you'll get presenst and everybody's attention. But birthdays aren't really my thing. I've never enjoyed being the one everyone notices and I usually don't have much fun on my birthdays. You're supposed to have fun with your friends and party but I never do. I'm just usually spending a normal day at school and then go home alone and eat ice cream and go to sleep, that's my special day. I guess I'm a very boring person but I can't really have fun by my own and friends have their own stuffs when I would want to be with them. After a couple of weeks my friend's gonna have her birthday and a huge party and everyone's planning a surprise for her. Then I was feeling like what about me? It's my birthday first but they care only about her because she's gonna have the party where everyone is just gonna drink and smoke and be stupid. Maybe they don't want to celebrate my day because I don't throw enormous parties including lots of alcohol, good fun and loud music. I'm just a damn boring me.


But I don't complain this year. So much.. I didn't have fun with my friends and most of them didn't wish me or probably even think about me but I don't care. My real friends did. I'm so lucky I have the few awesome friends I've got. They're the most important thing in my life. And my family, I spent a nice night at home on my birthday, they had made everything cool, we went to sauna and watched a movie together. They really did think about me. And my other relatives like grandparents, uncles and aunts, they called me and texted me all day long starting from 5 am when I was still sleeping. They made me happy with their remembering and heartly wishes. And specially with the big gift they gave, or will give me: they will pay my driving school so I can get a driver's license. That's a really big gift as those schools are rather expensive here.. I'm so glad and thankful that I have some awazing and sincerely caring people around me. :)  <3

5 Seconds of Summer

I swear, this summer went much faster than any other summer in my life. School started again a week ago, the ten lovely weeks of freedom passed by in a blink of an eye. Honestly, every single year before this I have been excited to go to school and 10 weeks without schoolmates and teachers and timetables have been too much, but this time for my own surprise as well I wasn't eager to go to school. I just wanted to continue the holidays. That's probably because I had a good summer, better than for a long time. Though I didn't meet my old friends and do most of the things I had planned, I had a great time and lots of things happened. At first there was the World Cup, (I used to hate watching sports on TV but then something happened and I had to watch as many matches as possible, and my favourite Germany won!!!) then I was travelling around Finland with my family, my brother left for army, I spent 6 wonderful days in Berlin in Germnay (I will tell more about it later!) and then I was working in a museum for two weeks. I bet I had the best boss in the world, he was such a sweet old gentleman! I just wish I could live that summer again and enjoy every warm and light summer night and make even more amazing memories.. But I guess I'll have to wait until the next summer..

When I went to school last Monday morning, I didn't wait for anything else but seeing my friends again. I was thinking in my head if they would have changed or would they look different than before, were they as tanned as I am, what did they do during the summer, have I changed since we last met.. Then I saw everybody and everything was just like the same as 10 weeks ago. No one had grown up, we are just the same kids. We had a lot to talk about and many things to share. I was so glad at that moment.

But then the teachers started to speak. We have some new teachers and a new pricipal. I don't like him, I want our old one back.. Suddenly I started feeling like "BLAAAAAH can we just go back home?". Our school has changed and the new juniors are such little mice loosers. I can't believe I'm already a senior. Soon all that will be over and it's time to go furhter in life. This school year will be short, and busy with all final exams and applying for universities and everything. I'm really not waiting for the day I will have to say "goodbye" to my friends and teachers. They have become important to me, though sometimes I hate them more than anything. I will miss my school. It's the best school in the world.

This year I will wear a smile on my face, do everything I have wanted to do, be with my awesome frineds and leave the school pockets full of great memories. Later I would regret if I didn't make the best out the best time of my life, and that's high school. Hakuna Matata!

I love my mom

I feel selfish. My parents are going trough hard times, it's specially hard for my mom. But still I am the one mom worries about, she cares how I'm doing but I should be the one asking that from her.
She's not a perfect person or mom, not even close, but so is no one else either. She does many things wrong and usually is talking about herself and what she wants, but still behind all that she's a loving person who has got hurt. She's trying to be strong and keep this family together though it's not always easy.



I had been feeling bad last times, days, weeks, months, I don't even know how long. Yesterday was the worst day for a long time and mom noticed it. Today she wanted to cheer me up, she brought me breakfast to bed though I didn't feel like eating. She was shopping today and she bought me a little present for nothing. She really does care though she doesn't show it so often. She doesn't say it but she loves and wants us good things even when she's really down herself.
I haven't always got so well along with my mom, when I was just a kid I was dadddy's girl, I did everything with dad, not with mom. At the age of puberty I hated her so much and blamed her for the problmes we had. But now were are more like friends than mother and daughter. And I actually like that though it feels a little awkward. We are doing many things together and she likes to talk about things with me. I should show her better snd more often that I love her.

Moms are amazing creatures. :)

Football, football and football

The whole world is concentrating on football, at least I feel like we have forgotten the problmes and trouble the world is facing for a while. Things such as Ukraine and Egypt aren't topics much discussed right now, what happens in Brazil's football fields is more interesting for some. In a way it's good though, to not think about all the crap a while and enjoy something else. A whole month of football matches, that's a pretty long time.

The thing I love the most about world cup is that it's the same for everyone in the world, it's something we have together, something everybody around the world can follow and talk about. That's basically why I started watching football this summer, even though I'm the person in the world who the least cares for sports. Or I was, now I enjoy sharing my opinions and talkig about the most awesome things happened in the matches. I just have to watch as many matches as I can, which is something the old me would never ever do. Once I was just asked to watch one watch, and I watched, and now no one needs to ask anymore.

Well I don't so much understand about football and the rules and everything, just a couple of days ago I actually learned what offside means.. But it doesn't matter to me that I don't understand what I'm watching, I watch how the players play and listen to what people say. I want to be a part of the conversation.

But I guess for us girls one of the most important things about any sports are the players. Specially when they take their shirts off... I'm so in love with some football players, I wish I could marry them.. But I don't agree with most of the girls, Cristiano Ronaldo isn't that sexy, he's just cute and actually looks a little gay. Just my opinion, don't get mad! Messi is awesome too, a really great player and he does amazing goals at the last minutes but my aboslute favourite is Brazil's Neymar Jr.. He's soo adorable and a good player too. Besides I love his hair..

For me it doesn't matter who wins or who's gonna be the world champion, they are the other smaller things that give an idea to the whole thing.

The end - or the beginning?

I feel sort of empty. Like every year on the last school day. Again one whole year has passed, the seniors will leave, we'll be one grade upper when we meet up with all the classmates and teachers again. Many things will change and never be like the same. It's unbelievable that we're growing up, and even more unbelievable how incredibly fast. It feels like time just runs and everything happens before you have even had time to notice it.

It's summer again, 10 weeks of freedom. No school, no timetables, no stress of doing everything in time and in a right order. You can decide yourself, be the master of your time. Do whatever you want and whenever you want. That feels good, to be your own lord. But on the other hand, at least I will miss the timetables because when I don't have to do anything I really don't do anything but laze around and eat ice cream. Though I have many things to do this summer so perhaps I won't become as lazy as usually.

The graduation ceremony I attended today at school evoke thoughts and wistful feelings came out. The seniors could hear many speeches of their hard work and that the future is waiting for them, that it is not wrong to make mistakes and start again, it's okay to fail, stand up and learn. When they now left the school, they will never be coming back, it's history now, everything is in front of them. One story ends here, another more exciting one starts. They will be their own leaders, their paths will all go to different ways but hopefully they sometimes meet so that they will keep the contacts they have created with each other and will always be helping each other to go on. Because anywhere they head most importantly they have to move on and not stand still, because then they and their lives will get stuck. Like birds at one point have to fly away from their nest, so does the human too. Then they will build their own nest, and hopefully make it a strong one, and one day new birds will be flying away. It's a circle, that has to be continuing.

Life is a journey, we should make the best of it and enjoy every possible moment. Because life just simply is so short that we can never be too happy or do too much things we love. We should really do the things we most love because at them we're the best and we have the best chances to succeed, and that also makes us happy, which is one of the most important things in life. Sometimes we have to give up something to have something better instead. We shouldn't be sad because of the ends we will meet, we should just look forward and take in the coming things with joy and let the new stories have good beginnings like they deserve.

Congratulations to everybody who has graduated this year! You have done an awesome job and a lot of hard work, you deserved the win you've got now, you can be proud of yourselves! We need to keep the good memories and appreciate everything we've got. We wouldn't be here if some things were different. Next year will be my turn to take a new step in my life and I'm enthusiastically waiting for that. Life goes on, and we have to go with it before it runs away. :)

The best I've got

I found something. It's called by your name. It's something so precious that any amount of money in this world can't buy it. How could I ever deserve anything so beautiful and good?

I say it too seldom, possibly never, but you're the best I've ever got, the best thing that has ever happened to me. I love the way you love me, it feels good. I can forget the rest of the world when I'm with you. I hope you know I'm happy that you exist and belong to my world, to my reality. It's good that you are there.

If you had to leave, it would destroy the world I live in. I don't even want to think about that. I don't know what I would be without you. The world would feel empty, it'd be nothing like the same as it's now. If I hadn't met you, I wouldn't be me. So incredibly much you have changed me, almost made me a new person when compared to the old creature. When I'm restless, you calm me down. When I feel like I'm drowning, you lift me up. You're the one who can make me feel okay when everything is messed up and I want to give up. You make me forget all the pain, you always help me. You could tell me a thousand lies, I would believe all of them. You could hurt me, but I still couldn't leave you. But if you asked and wanted, I would let you go. But even if you asked, I would never forget your name or erase your picture from my mind. You'll always be there, you wanted or not. 

There is a doubt. A doubt whether I deserve you or not. Whether we are meant to be together, whether we belong to each other's lives. Because sometimes love just isn't enough.

 I wonder if you even have any idea how much I love you.

Some appreciation, please?

I guess you don't even understand how well your things are if you're able to read this. There are like 3 billion people in the world who can't read at all.

If you have some extra money in your bank account and in your wallet you're richer than 92 % of the people on the globe.

If you don't need to suffer from hunger and you have a home, with a roof over your head and where to sleep, you're among the wealthiest people in the world.

If you aren't seriously ill, you are healthier than all the people who won't be here next week.

If you've been so blessed that you have been able to go to school and get education, you have gotten a huge privilege and an opportunity others are only dreaming of.


Despite this and hundreds of other things I hear people here complaning about everything everyday. People hate the parents who are giving their everything to their children and sacrificing more things than we can believe to give their kids all the best in their lives. People hate their families that love them and take care of them. Students hate the free schools and education that give them a future. Kids hate the food they get for free that gives them energy, makes them grow up and keeps them healthy. People hate rules that keep us safe and try to make people equal. People hate the world they have created by their own hands.

Why can't we enjoy the things we have and be happy with them? Why do we need more and better than now? I wish I could go to Africa to some not so rich country to see what life there is like and learn from the people there how to appreciate what I've got. Because all you've got is all you need. Well not always though. In some poor countries in the Africa they've got nothing but they've got all. They don't complain like western people who have more than enough of everything. You won't see a sad person there, there is a smile on everybody's face, they get over all the sadness and problmes together and look ahead to the future. Like in Finland people are just depressed and unhappy, though it's one of the best countries to live in! I heard that in Burkina Faso it costs about 150 € a year in school for one student, and that is so expensive for them that most people can't afford it. Guess what the costs are for one student in one year here in Finland? About 6 000 €, and that all is completely free for us students. There's a difference.

Sometimes it would be good for us to think about all the goods we've got and think what it would be like if we suddenly didn't have the same things. How would our lives change?

"When you've got a lot, you can lose a lot."

Can you hear the cry

People are feeling bad, the world is ill, but does anyone notice it or care about it? The world's a mess nowadays, it's not so good to live in it. Other people and the pressure that the society is placing on us kills us from inside, we're becoming cold and emotionless, we're like robots living like we're ordered to.

We should be this and that and do so and so, just carry out all the time. That way at some point we're losing everything about humanity and forgetting the most important thing everything originally is about - love.

If you stopped staring at your own navel and looked what is around you, you would notice that everything is not fine. Things might have a cool cover but from inside they're completely empty.

A pretty girl is afraid to eat, a bad boy calms down after beating someone down, someone cuts her wrists to escape from the pain inside, a guy who managed to get a successful career abuses drugs, a single mother drowns her sorrow and worries to alcohol. It's easy to keep the pain inside and hide the scars from others' eyes, but from yourself you can't run away. Usually people are blind and it's furstrating how you try and try to tell them you're not quite fine but they just don't see. Or then people are so hypocritical that they don't care about others if they're not doing something for them, like they don't want to help if they don't get some pay for it.
Even the quietest ones cry for help on their own way. Are people around able to hear it?

When have you last time asked someone "how are you?" and actually listened to the answer? Next time listen more carefully. People just need to take care of each other, no one is supposed to survive from life and its weight alone. But it's sad how so many people still are fighting against the world on their own.

If you can hear my cry under all the noise, it's the last message from me to you begging for your attention. Will you stay to give your helping hand or leave me choking?

Endlessly changing

Everyone changes when time passes. It's pointless to say someone I'll never change for it's not true. We change all the time, purposely or without noticing. I think life's not about finding yourself, it's about creating yourself a person you want to be. How could we even find something that is in an endless circle of change? In the end you're the only person you have to spend the rest of your life with so you have to deal with yourself and be a person with whom you can live.

People change the most when they get hurt. They go trough something hard and learn to see the world and people in a new way. That's the time when they learn about themselves too and might find completely new sides of themselves they didn't know that exist.

Sometimes it's scary actually how much, fast and suddenly things can change. It feels like just yesterday everything was completely different. The world's not the same anymore, you're not the same anymore. People around you don't even notice that anything has changed or then they see it and get overworried. It feels bad when something inside you has changed, in a good way, that things seem to make sense now, but your friends or family don't like the way you have changed and can't accept it. Or if something goes in a bad way and nobody cares and is there to help you. It's difficult to tell about worries or for example if you think you're depressed and if nobody notices it and gives you their helping hand you might feel and be very alone with your trouble and heavy heart. That's when you finally get to know who your real friends are who always stand by you till the end, no matter what. Good friends understand you, or try at least and most importantly don't ever judge you or your thoughts and doings without a very heavy reason. It feels awful when someone very close to you turns to something he or she said they would never be. But there's a reason for everything, people should be more understanding and empathic before going away from the one who changed. If someone changes in a radical way, it's definitely the time he or she most needs friends and support, not fakers who leave them alone with all the weight on their shoulders.

I changed a lot in a short time. I don't actually know why. Some bad things happened and maybe they opened my eyes, it's not such a beautiful world we're living in. People are bad, though some are real sweethearts and always want everything good for others. But most people are selfish and greedy, they don't have any respect towards anything.

Maybe I'm not as nice as before, but it's because I don't want to be walked over or get used. I don't trust everyone because behind the fake smile can hide a real bitch who really doesn't give a shit about others. Perhaps I distance myself from people but only because I'm afraid that they will leave me alone when I most need them. But I still believe there's something good in everyone, there still are good people. But it feels difficult to find them and separate from all the trash.

I have changed, but I'm always being myself. I'm not showing a fake face to anyone. I don't give a damn about the people who can't accept what I am, I won't try to please everyone, I will try to please myself and be confident and gorgeous myself. Because that's all that matters in the end. The real people will always stay by your side, the others slightly disappear. But that is only life, though it sucks sometimes.

Happy Feet :)

 

Letter to Alcohol

Saturday, 22nd March 2014

Dear Alcohol,

There are some things in my mind that bother me, they have bothered a long time actually. They include you. I have never really talked about them and now I think it's the time to tell you about my feelings. It's not very easy for me to tell what I have in my mind and heart but it might not be good to keep everything inside forever. I hope you are understanding. Sometimes my opinions are quite strong and strict, and hopefully you can look at yourself from a different point of view after reading this. 

You have always been in my life in a way or another, almost 18 years. It's a rather long time. During that time I have learned to know you well, I have seen you from a very close distance, I have seen what you can do. But I bet you don't know me, you have no idea who I am and why I am writing to you. That's your way of living; you make yourself famous and give an image of you that shows you're really coold and a good mate. People want to know you because they think that knowing you can make them famous, cool and popular too. But that is just a coulisse, the reality hides behind that. You are crafty, you tempt people but what do you actually give them back after all?

You make people forget when they have trouble, problems and sorrow. As if you gave a shoulder to lean on, but then suddenly you disappear and the leaner falls down. Then he has to find you again but every time it's more difficult. People can forget for a while with your help but afterwards they feel even worse and the problems haven't faded away, they might actually have got worse and more complicated or you can create new problems in addition to the old ones. Do you enjoy it when people desperately want to get to you and you just tease them, look at them contemptuously and laugh because they are so pitiful?

Sometimes you can help people to relax and have fun though. Some people are too clever to get into your trap and they just safely keep you far enough. Then you can't harm them and you might be disappointed. I wish everybody understood to have a good distance to you, but unfortunately some have let you to control their lives. In my opinion people can have fun and party without you as well, you don't need to be invited to all fun. 

You are cold. Selfish. Do you even care for anybody? I don't think so. You make people to a bad condition and they are not able to think clearly. Your presence causes many kind of harm. Physical, mental and social. You harm the body and mind of the one who is too attached to you, people easily fight with each other, they can break places and themselves, they get too addicted and that can lead to anything. Besides violence, suicide, illnesses, criminality, cigarettes and drugs are your good friends. I doubt you have made some kind of deal with HIV and unwanted pregnancies. And what about the people around drinkers and alcoholics? You probably don't understand what they feel like. How could you. If there is an alcoholic in the family, they whole family suffers from that. I know what I'm talking about... Then comes the society and eventually the whole global world that you affect.

So many times you have made me sad. Depressed. Lonely. Frustrated. Tired. Neglected. Misunderstood. Forgotten. To lose my belief of a better tomorrow. I know I will be that in the future too. But I try not to care about you, I will ignore you as much as possible. I won't let you ruin my whole life though you have already started. I want to be happy. I can't get rid of you and I don't actually even want to be completely without you, but you will never be able to control me! I'm stronger than you and you're not allowed to fool me! I blame you of many things and I will never forgive you. I wish I could just forget it all. 

Why did you ever come to my life? Why do you even exist? 

Sincerely, 

      Sof

It didn't last forever

Our relation was sweet and deep. It lasted a long time but not forever. Though I already knew it wouldn't last when we first met and started to spend time together. We laughed and we cried, we went trough not only happy but also difficult times. We enjoyed, I know you did too, but in life everything doesn't go like we would want.

Something started to go badly wrong. You became slow and absent, you didn't work like I would have wished. Sometimes you woke me up in the middle of the night without a reason and some mornings I was late from school just because of you. You lived your own life and I felt that you didn't care about me anymore. Slowly you slipped away from me. I feel sad but I don't blame you, things change and that's life. Things come and go despite how good they had once been or how happy they had us made.

Now I have someone else, but it doesn't mean that I don't think about you anymore. I still remember the years we had together and I will never forget them. I wish we could turn back time and still be happy together but I believe that it's better this way.

You're gone, but I love you. You were, you are, and you will always be my first touch screen phone. Rest in peace. 💕

All the things we lost in the fire

Things we lost to the flames
Things we'll never see again
All that we've amassed
Sits before us, shattered into ash 

"Things We Lost In The Fire"

Flames – they licked the walls
Tenderly they turned to dust all that I adore

A crazy world

Insane. The whole world has gone mad. And why? Because people are stupid, selfish and greedy.
Isn't anything enough?
Of course not. We need more of everything and we have to be better than the others.
Why can't I go and kill the president if I don't like him? I would be a much better one and rule the whole world in a good way, all the problems would be solved soon.

I just don't understand. It's frustrating to see where this world is going to, where the people are leading it to. The world could be a better place, if we wanted. But we don't want because everything that matters is Me Myself and I. Who cares about the people who are suffering somewhere else, none of our business. What we don't see doesn't exist, right?

People, wake up! Alarm clock is ringing!
Sooner or later all the madness will end, in a way or another. We don't know how and when, but it's obvious that this can't continue forever.

Feeling my way through the darkness
Guided by a beating heart
I can't tell where the journey will end
But I know where to start

. They tell me I'm too young to understand
They say I'm caught up in a dream
Well life will pass me by if I don't open up my eyes
Well that's fine by me

So wake me up when it's all over
When I'm wiser and I'm older
All this time I was finding myself
And I didn't know I was lost

I tried carrying the weight of the world
But I only have two hands
Hope I get the chance to travel the world
But I don't have any plans

 Avicii ~ Wake me up

How I wish that one day the world will be a beautiful and good place again full of loving and caring.

Stuck in my mind

Why is he hiding his face behind the book? Is he trying to be invisible? Why doesn't he want to be noticed?

He's so shy and it's cute. You can see his insecurity when he has to talk to people who aren't good friends of his. He's not afraid but for some reason he feels nervous. I feel like a stalker when I keep looking at him but I just can't stop. He's stuck in my mind. He's an interesting person and I would like to know more about him, I want to know what he thinks about. But he's shy and I'm shy... I'm afraid to go to talk to him because I don't want to make him feel uncomfortable or I don't want to tease and annoy him. But if I don't do that, I will never get to know him and one more good person would slip away from my life.

I feel stupid.

He even reminds me of someone else who used to be in the same class with me like 5 years ago. There is probably no sense in my thoughts but they look a bit like the same, their personalities are like the same, at least what I know about them, and they listen to same kind of music. Their haircolour is the same as well..

Why am I writing this all here... I don't know. I feel a bit messed up.




But he has a nice smile and I love to see him laughing.

Now it's over

The feeling is weird. I'm happier than for a long time but at the same time I'm sad because it's over now and it won't happen ever again. I feel so alive right now. Last friday was the day I had been waiting for since I was 7 years old and it really was worth waiting.

It was a perfect day. I'm talking about the prom. It was absolutely just amazing. How much I wish we could do it all again. Every girl was so beautiful and every guy so handsome, it was an important day for all of us and we wanted to make it unforgettable.

In the morning I had to wake up really early and in the evening after the long day I was so tired that I could have just fallen asleep right away. At first in the morning we went to our own school and the first year students sang us some songs they had made for us themselves. After that we went to another school and danced all the dances there. Other students, teachers and some friends and parents were watching there. Everybody was soooo nervous because we just thought that what if we'll fail and make some terrible mistake or what if someone will step on my dress and it will be broken right away. Everything went still well after all that panicing. Then we had some freetime and I went to eat to a restaurant with my partner. It was a little awkward because we both were shy and didn't talk much, but we had a nice time, at least I had. In the evening all the high schools of our city went to the same place to dance again. There was everybody's family and friends watching. It was somehow so embarrassing when my and my partner's parents met and talked a long while about us and the dances and everything. I felt like running away that time but I was brave and stayed there. Then it was time to thank for the great day and go home and remember all the happennings of the day.

I will never forget that Valentine's day! :)

From here you can see more beautiful pics of the dancers ;)